Thumbthing something.

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The Cingular brand name is being discontinued as of next year, so now they are finally free to have a bit of fun:

It’s akin to how Scott McClellan felt right after his resignation was accepted, or that giddy day the divorce papers are finally signed.

What does this ad have to do with union labor? Eh, blame it on the champagne.

Descriptive product names are at their absolute worst when they mislead and confuse. A particularly sour example is Mocha Mix, a non-dairy creamer that is NOT mocha (chocolate + coffee) flavored. Mocha Mix is plain non-dairy creamer, meant to taste like plain cream. It is a product that will dissapoint coffee lovers who thought they were buying a non-dairy mocha flavored cream substitute and will be passed over by those looking for a non-flavored non-dairy cream substitute.

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World’s largest seagull.

There are those special items, when placed strategically ’round the pièce de l’amour, that help set the tone for a wild night.

And then there are these. From Wales with love, Christian marital wipes. Brought to you by a company called Whollylove who’s tagline reads, “Products and Advice celebrating God’s fantastic gift of sex within Christian marriage“.

They even have a section called “Lingerie for Him“. Yes, Him with a capital “H”. So if you’ve ever wondered, “What would He wear?”, the answer is…………………………………………………………………………..Calvin’s (boxers).

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Michael Jackson’s inspiration? And not all love is good love.

Hey, dig the comments on this post! YOUNG & RUBICAM, the communication experts that created the company names Uniqa and Acterna, have communicated again! Here they demonstrate their well-earned reputation as master communicators and wordsmiths. It is truly a rare thing of beauty, to see a master craftsperson at work. Enjoy.

When Google announced their new Interbrandian-Landoresque name and rationale for the Chinese market, “Gu Ge”, we told you why it was a terrible, unnecessary move.

Now we are officially on Gu Ge name drop watch. Google is too smart not to realize they’ve been duped and WILL dump Gu Ge. Let the games begin.

Gu Ge Deathwatch: Day 1.

The University of Pennsylvania has, perhaps unwittingly, made a move that has torn asunder the universal fabric we all rely upon when sorting out what’s what. You no longer have a foundation for logical, intuitive or comparative thought.

In the new paradigm, “The Di Vinci Code” is well-written and compelling, syphilitic nutria have not colonized the length of Brit Hume’s intestinal tract, and the Wharton School listed ONE AND ONLY ONE item as required reading for its product marketing course, “The Igor Naming Guide”.

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Via Business 2.0

Google may be the most recognized new 21st century brand in the West. But in China, its name was a dog. Surfers had been pronouncing the unfamiliar “Google” as “gougou” or “gugou,” among other variants – meaning “doggy” and “old hound.” An easier-to-pronounce name is just one of the reasons why rival Baidu has been eating Google’s lunch in China. That’s why the company tweaked its iconic name yesterday as it opened a new engineering center in Beijing. Google renamed itself “Gu Ge” (pronounced “goo-guh”), which China Daily elaborately translates as “song of the harvest of grain.” Google (Research) officials said the new name projected “the sense of a fruitful and productive search experience, in a poetic Chinese way.”

What a dim sum of thinking this is. Let them pronounce Google any way they want. Americans find it difficult to properly pronounce high-end names like Audi and Porsche, so each name has an Americanized pronunciation, no biggy.

And the “old dog” as a negative is a glaring red herring. Yahoo means “idiot” in English, Crossfire implies “violent death” and Gap means “missing, broken or incomplete”. The idea that consumers process names literally is false. They process them in the context of the experience and the brand.

And give the Chinese some credit, they know that Google is not a Chinese word with Chinese meanings!

Wang Laboratories, one of the iconic pioneers of computing, was founded by Dr. An Wang in Lowell, Massachusetts. Certainly they could have changed their name to accommodate Americans that might be put off by a name like Wang. But there was no need. Everyone understood that Wang was a Chinese last name and was not being used in the sense of Johnson, an American last name. Even though Wang was an American company. The same holds true here.

The notion of splintering a brand name like Google into different names for different countries, based on the sophomoric understanding of naming demonstrated by their explanation, is truly absurd.

There are no new rules of naming.

Says Blandor the Imponderable: “‘Gu Ge’… which translates as ‘song of the harvest of grain…the sense of a fruitful and productive search experience, in a poetic Chinese way’, is MY SHCTICK!!! This is no lesser a transgression than if Gallagher were to wear Robin’s rainbow suspenders or if Mr. Williams were to smash swollen cucurbitaceae on stage! I demand redress!”

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…and we hate it back, we’ve created 25,000 puns, slogans, Zen koans, acronyms, names for fictitious companies, products, movies, race horses, etc, and shoved them down the throat of the web here.

Keep in mind, these were all created sans vagus.

Few products inspire the level of passion and affection that iPod lovers lavish upon their Podis. But the tango between man and music machine has been a frustrating dance of unrequited love, until now. Yes, the great day has arrived. For the girl that just wants to have fun, the relationship can now be consummated, thanks to those randy Brits at iBuzz.

But where would one store an iPod equipped with iBuzz? In its natural habitat, of course. Insert your own innuendo here, we are up to our ears in it as it is.

Via Strange New Products.