Determined to leave no potential stone of a pope story unturned, the latest musing to saturate the media today is, Experts Say Pope’s New Name Could Provide Clues To Direction Of Church:

Vatican City — The name people in the Roman Catholic Church will be waiting to hear is that of the next pope.

Some experts believe the name offers a clue into the spirit of the new papacy.

One says that if the new pope were to pick the name Pius the 13th, it could mean a more conservative turn in the church. The choice of John the 24th could mean more liberal reform and that selecting John Paul the third could mean the new pope would want to follow the legacy of his predecessor.

John Paul the second traveled farther and met with more people than any other.

The new pope is free to pick from any of his 264 predecessors, use his own first name or come up with something new.

What’s most exciting is that the new pope has the power to actually create a brand new papal name, rather than just tacking on an incremental numerical suffix to a previous pope’s name. We’re of course dying to know just who “the name people in the Roman Catholic Church” are, and how we can apply to work on this project. Does the Vatican Branding Office issue RFPs for papal naming consultancy work? Do we have to have already named a cardinal and a few bishops to be in the running to name the big guy himself?

Since it’s probably too late for us to get hired to help name Pope 2005, we’ll just offer our suggestion for free as a goodwill gesture: Pope Igor I, named for Igor, the patron saint of naming and branding. Pope Igor would be perfectly positioned to become the ultimate assistant to the Catholic church, and the reanimating dead flesh angle is killer. Bringing their vision to life, indeed!