Reuters first reported on October 23 that Ronald McDonald was at large in South Wales after the 25-foot inflatable went AWOL from a McDonald’s roof in the middle of the night.

Apparently off on another bender, Ronald was spotted hither and yon terrorizing the Welsh countryside, tearing up the railway station, scaring all the children and faint of heart at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantisiliogogogoch, and even reciting Dylan Thomas in a drunken brogue high above Cardiff.

Despite a generous reward of one Big Mac hamburger, Ronald remains missing more than a week later, and authorities fear the worst: a fresh outbreak of MAD CLOWN DISEASE.